Family Holiday Courtesies

Traditionally, holidays involve family and friends getting together and celebrating relationships. I can't believe it's already that time of the year! Some of you are probably thinking with great trepidation about how you have "got to go and do the "fam" duty thing" and how glad you'll be when it's over!


Well, believe it or not it is possible to have a tolerable family visit if you plan in advance to enjoy it. Let this be the holiday where you really give thanks for having another day, another opportunity, to make things right between family and friends. Even if you are not the "host," let this be that holiday where you go out of your way to make sure those around you are comfortable and happy. Look carefully (you won't have to look far) and you will witness plenty of pain, sadness, and heartache. We can unknowingly add to someone's personal pain by the words we use. Ignore that urge to point a finger at someone else as being the root of family feuds and instead commit to taking the low road; no need to pit words against words. I know you have it in you, dig deeper and go the extra mile with a little more patience. Make certain you are not the one guilty of hurtful and inconsiderate behavior.  Do I need to say remember your manners? Below I've created a short list of simple courtesies that can help even the most inflexible personality make a tolerable impression. 

Share this list with family and friends and challenge everyone to agree to present their mature best. Here we go:        

1. If you suspect the holiday gathering will be full of family tension, you may find it helpful to say a silent prayer beforehand.
2. Do not respond to negative goading. Ignore it. And make sure you are not the author of any negative and demeaning comments, even if the content is true!
3. Make good memories for the children. Commit to making sure all the children have a healthy, fun, and happy memory of this holiday family gathering.
4. Take pictures and require everyone to smile. No prunes allowed! (But, if you notice someone would rather not be bothered, do not push them to. After they respond with a few no's, accept it and let them be.)
5. Commit to participate in at least one family game.
6. Offer to either help set up, serve, or clean up.
7. Ask what you can bring to the dinner and make sure you take it - no excuses accepted. No oh I forgot, or the store was closed apologies...Be responsible and do what you promised. (If possible take your item(s) early or better yet, the day before dinner.)
8. Follow house rules. As a guest, don't take liberties just because you are friends with the host. For example, If everyone leaves their shoes at the door, you should do the same.
9. No "roaming" the house. Even if related, don't freely roam the house peeking into rooms and closets you have no business in and do not help yourself to items that don't belong to you.
10. Be considerate of those family members who are struggling with financial losses. If someone has recently lost their job, don't ask them to bring a roast for 20 people...
11. If there appears to be more guests than food, be courteous and limit your portions and monitor your children so they do the same.
12. Do not allow your sweet little darlings to run wild through the house. If they won't behave, don't ignore them - you need to keep them at your side and not have them become someone else's concern. If you have a screaming baby, be considerate of others and find yourself a quiet space away from main activity.
13. Dress appropriately. Low cleavage tops and too short too tight bottoms are disrespectful to the host of the house even if she or he is your best friend or relative. You have 364 days to dress (or half dress) like a grown up in child's clothes - let this be the one family holiday that you dress with a little planned modesty.
14. Before leaving, thank your host. If you really liked a particular dish, express that and wish everyone a happy holiday as you make your exit. (And unless offered, don't ask to take food home!)
15. Remember to smile and show yourself pleasant and friendly throughout your visit.

Hope this helps. Please don't forget to check back after the holidays and let me know how it all went. (nita@socialcharms.com) Enjoy and be safe! Happy holidays!