Visiting the Sick...

Have you ever been laid up and had well-wishing visitors come by and you secretly wished they 
had stayed away? Well here are my favorite tips on how not to be that annoying visitor:

• 
  Know when to go home – Even if begged to stay! Some people go and sit and sit, just hanging around. Whether you realize it or not this can be very annoying and cause the patient to feel responsible for entertaining you, staying awake instead of resting, and possibly missing a meal because they don’t want to eat in your presence. If the person is bedridden, know that they need rest more than anything.
• 
  Be thoughtful and considerate – If the person has a terminal illness, visit with your game face.  No crying, no sad walks down memory lane and no talking like the person is already gone! Reference happy memories and the positive footprints they have made in so many places. If appropriate, take old photos to share and have your young children make sunshine cards. A young patient would also enjoy cards from other kids. If you take young children to visit keep the visit short. Leave before your baby starts crying or your toddler gets fidgety.
• 
  Volunteer to help – Offer to stay while the primary caretaker leaves to run errands or take a much needed break. If you notice dishes in the sink you could volunteer to wash or load the dishwasher. If there are young children you could offer to take them for an appropriate outing read them a story, or perhaps entertain them in another room.
• 
  Take a comfort item – Try to give real consideration here. If you are not sure what the family needs don’t hesitate to ask close relatives and friends. A covered dish is nice, bottles of juice, soda, and water, fruit. Take note of caretakers and others who may live in the home. (A small gift for the primary caretaker may be nice.) Sandwich items and snacks are a great idea especially if young children are around. Take a gift card for gas or
  local grocery store – doesn’t have to be much. (Remember, illness brings many extra expenses.) If the patient enjoys old westerns or has a favorite author consider a DVD or book as a nice gift to lift spirits. I love going to bookstores and gift shops where you are sure to find unique and reasonably priced gifts.

When I became the primary caretaker for my mom who was terminal with breast cancer, I was in awe at the thoughtful gestures from so many of her friends. Someone was always showing up with her fresh fruit favorites (grapes and red cherries) juices, cd’s of country music and gospel (also her favorites), cd’s of nature videos with soft relaxing music, and even videos of favorites like the old Andy Griffin shows and western movies. People were very thoughtful – you could always tell by the gifts they brought.

So the next time you visit someone recovering from a surgery or illness, or terminally ill, take a moment, ask questions if you must, and take a thoughtful gift. At minimum, a nice card is always a kind gesture.